Now I know why the dog's breath smells so bad.

Freddie was watching Petra the other day and she wag cleaning herself.  Freddie looked at me,  looked at her,  and looked back at me and said - no wonder why her breath smells so bad. She's kicking her butt and get non-penis*.

So,  just in case you're wondering why your animals breath smells, now you know.

*For those of you who don't know,  Freddie still calls the vagina: non-penis.  He had never asked for the proper term nor have I bothered to give it to him.  I think I'd is funny it is a non-penis. When he asks,  I'll let him know.

To laugh or not to laugh....

Abi happens to have this habit of sticking her head in between the stair railings and getting stuck.

Now keep in mind we live in an older house where the stair rails are not to code to today's width apart requirements to prevent this hilarity.... I mean tragedy. 

Last month,  Abi thought it would be a good idea to say good night to Livie by sticking her head through said rails.  This ended up getting her stuck.... and screaming like there was no tomorrow. 

I managed to get her loose and to remove her head.  She promised she would not do it again. We figured after that scare she would be better about it and not attempt this trick again.

Was.  I. Wrong.  Today as she was talking to my ex-husband, she was sitting on the second floor and stuck her head between the bars.  He drops Corbin off and leaves.  As we are all headed up stairs Abi starts screaming again. Guess who is stuck?

This time she managed to get herself loose and vane crying to me for sympathy.  Wrong move.  Instead she got sent to get room for breaking the rule and Scotty P would deal with her when he got back. After about 10 minutes he returned and I told him what happened. He started laughing and said - isn't it punishment enough that she did it and scared herself. Obviously not. Because had it been then she would have learned from the FIRST time she did this.

Every time Scotty P went to head over her he started laughing. I have to be honest, it's fucking hilarious.

After his talk with her, she came in and promised me she would never do it again.

No.  No she wont. Because if she does I'm leaving her there and I made it very clear that it no one would save her from her own stupidity.

I give it two months and she'll be stuck again.

Face, meet cake.

Somewhere over the last year, it has become tradition our children smash their faces into their birthday cakes. We aren't exactly sure where this tradition came from, but we do know Livie started it last year, when she dunked her head into her orange cake with purple lettering... needless to say, but I'm going to anyways, her face ended up stained orange and purple.

Livie, the trend setter, on her 8th birthday.

Well yesterday, our middle child turned 7. (My first words to Scotty P yesterday was, oh shit, we have 8, 7, and 6 in the house. We are fucked.)

Abi was all for smashing her head into the ice cream cake, but when push came to shove she just stood there and debated it. So she had a little help from Daddy...maybe next year she will just do it instead of getting the help.

**It's a bit loud, I'd turn it down** Also, I couldn't stop laughing. Mother of the Year.

And this is the end result.

Happy Birthday Abi, we love you and can't wait to see how much more fun will be had over the years.